I feel faint. My head is expanding and contracting, thumping with each beat of my ever beating heart. I'm not sure if it's dehydration or my seemingly insufferable hatred of eating. Either way, it's a disorder that leaves me cranky and my head swimming.
At one point, I had it in my mind that I could actually try to cease existing. Stop eating, stop breathing, stop .. thinking. Of course, it didn't work. However, it did lead me to a rather crude assumption. I'm quite the large waste of space. Try as I might, there's really nothing that can stop me from breathing, short of an insatiable will of another. What a shame.
It's not that I want to die, it's that I'm just so goddamn bored. Of course, it's everybody's fault but my own, and I accept that. It is my fault that I despise eating, and go for days without so much as a cracker, only to faint and start over. There is no preoccupation with being thin or fitting in. I've gotten it into my mind that I cannot be such a slave to food as I am to the medication that has already begun to leave my system. It's non-addictive, but the withdrawl symptoms are ghastly. I'm ready to bother him for his Percocet, dispite the efforts he's gone through to hide them from me.
This entire post is absolutely pointless, but I cannot help the fact that I must first admitt that I have a problem, and as selfish as it seems, I have lots of them.